Thursday, March 30, 2006

A pitiful excuse for a blogger

...that's me.

Got straight A's last quarter, which is not shabby since I started the quarter overlapping with CPE *and* cracked ribs, ended the quarter with a church mess AND a car accident, and had a bad cold in the middle. Lots of drama for ten weeks.

As usual, we are doing Easter services outdoors in a park this year. I dread this and it is leading to more conflict. I spoke to my boss on Sunday, told him we had a couple items that were rough in preceding years, easy fixes, just need to be in the plan, so I'd send him mail for the planning team. He said, fine, that would be great. So, I did. Yesterday I stopped by to ask a couple questions, only to find out the planning team ISN'T TAKING CARE OF STUFF FOR LITURGY. So, fine, we'll have a table to set out the cups and stuff for communion servers, but as to stands for people to read from, something to do consecration at, microphones, hey--that's up to me! I should ask the head of the band/sound for a microphone (we tried that last year, and got: oh, sorry, guess I forgot), and figure out/find/arrange for my team to transport whatever is needed for the other stuff. AND, I should have known this. Somehow. I had proposed using disposable glasses, since this year we are doing two services without a facility to wash them in between as we do when we're at church. The boss would rather we re-use ones that have been drunk out of, I said, well, there's a genuine sanitation issue, turns out he has already told the other worship assistant to have the non-disposables ready, he doesn't think we sanitize them properly ANYWAY, whatever, but once more, I am wrong. Somehow it comes across so harsh and judging to me, and he thinks he is SUPPORTING me. I don't get it. I only know that I will hear it if things are not done according to vision, and alas, who knows the vision? Surely not I. I am very seriously considering resigning this staff position. I suspect my boss thinks I "need to learn" about something, but having worked in dysfunctional situations much of my time in business, I beg to disagree.

Theologically--am I the ONLY person in the entire world who thinks that the service planning team ought to be expected to think about how to provide a setting of God's table on the feast of the Resurrection??? Is that just too bizarre, that the actual worship (in the sense of word and table) should be part of the PLANNING? I guess they are working on seating, layout, video screens, location of the musicians. Word and table? Not so much.

So perhaps what I "ought to learn" is, if this turns out awkward because the details have been fluffed, NO APOLOGIES FROM ME. Last night I sent all the emails asking for a microphone, telling the team what needs transported to/fro, etc. The pastor has not yet written the order of service, so I don't know how many reading parts there will be or how he wants communion done.

Sorry for the shouting, I just hate this, it is all such a mess, and I hate the whole thing. In point of fact, in sheer numbers and planning, I have been the most effective liturgy coordinator this church has ever had. But none of that matters, because I'm apparently not doing things the way others would do them (although they do not have the time either to do them or to communicate their visions to me). I think it's about time they had someone they actually trusted and spoke to, and I had a break from being "taught" something, the content of which is a mystery to me.

Please keep praying--one person on whose behalf I have asked for prayer has actually gotten some good news--lovely family who are hoping for a second child but have suffered numerous very painful losses along the way, right now things look good but all could go south in the blink of an eye, so all prayers for them are wonderful.

And if you have any to spare, pray for me--that I don't kill anyone before Easter. Self included.


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