Thursday, February 23, 2006

I Am Biserable

I am Bery Biserable with a berry bad code. I have not had so bad a code id YEARS.


Heading into the busiest part of the quarter with papers and projects and etc., the time I most need to have energy.

And I missed sending cards to both brothers on their birthdays because even though I knew what week it was I was still a week behind. Have plans to remedy this situation however. May not be immediate, but have plans.

Watching Olympics. Watching young women the size of my left FOOT do things on ice that I cannot imagine doing even on dry ground. Amazing. First Olympic-watching of the season, probably last, but the one I like most.

Did first long sermon in Preaching class this afternoon. Between the cold and an unfortunate spate of back spasm, I walked to the pulpit with a cane, and set my goal low: to get through the thing without a coughing fit. Always aim low. It helps. I met my goal; it went OK, and despite how awful it *felt* people seemed to think I am at ease and solid when preaching. This has been a tough class and continues to be, as there are several classmates who preach regularly and one man who has been a motivational speaker and standup comic as well as a preacher, and is solidly "on" all the time. Depressing. But apparently I am not as bad as I thought!

Had breakfast with my former CPE supervisor (the supervisor, not the supervisor-in-training)earlier this week. It was very helpful and healing for me since our group ended messily, with one peer member exploding in a vicious verbal attack of us the night of final evaluations. I am so happy to have had this chance to say thanks and goodbye with some separation from the sheer, indescribable awfulness of that night. My supervisor asked if I would ever be interested in participating in the full spate of CPE training to become a supervisor myself, stating that I have the types of capabilities that task would require. That was a piece of validation that I never expected in my wildest dreams--this supervisor has been at it a long time and is tough. I am amazed. And happy, I have to confess.

Perhaps something WILL come of all of this one day. Gotta keep the faith. And blow my nose.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Playing Songbird's Friday Five!

I *am* lazy... no post for a week and then playing a meme...

Oh, well, here goes.

1. How do you say goodbye to someone you will see soon? If the someone is a person, it's "bye, see you soon!" If the someone is a dog, it's "I love you, be a good dog, I'll be back soon."

2. Favorite foreign word for goodbye. Stumped here. Language challenged.

3. Have you ever planned a special farewell or had one planned... Sure, in my previous life, when people were leaving work, we planned elaborate farewells. We also did birthday parties, and the like. And I got one, too.

4. Hardest goodbye--when I put my first wolfhound, my soulmate, down. I would have given anything I owned if it would have helped her, but nothing would.

5. Most romantic goodbye in a movie? Stumped here. Movie challenged.

See what a slug I am, and why I haven't posted more? I'll be better in a few days, just goin' through some stuff.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Grieving is Not Fun

It's Friday. During my CPE placement, Friday was one day I'd go off to the hospice, and have the experience of working from my passion for at least a few hours. I miss it badly; Wednesday, I was on autopilot driving to school and caught myself headed in the direction of the hospital instead. I am grieving that loss. It's tough because they have a new CPE student now and I am aware I need to respect that student's space by not initiating contact with people on staff who were becoming friends. So it is a clean break, and I miss them. Boo hoo.

News of church burnings in the South and a Nazi-admiring teenager shooting 3 patrons of a gay bar in the Northeast do not cheer me.

It is not a chipper sort of day.